Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
