I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
