You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
