Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
