You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
