Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
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My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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