what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
