I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
