i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
