I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
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We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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