This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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