Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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