you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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