Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
