remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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