where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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