i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize