Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
