Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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