i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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