she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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