phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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