Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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