he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
