I got chris browned last night
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
this will be a night to untag.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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