Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
