I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
