When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
