So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
