My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
