I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she smelled like a LAN party
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
