I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
