Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
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