Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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