i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
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Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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