We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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