Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
