3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
