He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
try to milk me bitch
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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