Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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