If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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