The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
