Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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