In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
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Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
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I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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