you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
