I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
