Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
