are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
