I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize