So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
