I cockslap morals
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
