I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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