I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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