wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
