i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...