I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment