Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
