got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor