Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
