We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dick very happy bro
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