is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
