WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
