If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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