I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
