I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
