"it" just moved
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
