I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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