it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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