I heard we made out
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
