The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
