I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
