your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
