i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
