I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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