I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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