his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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